The One Thing You Must Do To Change Your Life
Photo by Suzanne D. Williams via Unsplash
What is the one thing you must do to change your life?
If you’re unhappy, if you’d like to make changes in the way you’re living … you must change the way you think.
Or, more specifically, you must change the way you respond to the thoughts you currently experience, or the stories you currently tell yourself … that may not be true.
If you’re unhappy, you’re probably thinking negatively.
There is a two-way street between unhappiness and negative thinking, after all. That is, unhappiness creates negative thinking, and negative thinking creates unhappiness.
Perhaps you’re self-critical and feel a lot of shame and self-loathing, and are plagued by thoughts of not being good enough
Maybe you’re unhappy with the current state of your health or your body and do “really well” for a few days but can’t stick with any plan you choose in order to accomplish your goals
Or, maybe your life has become smaller and smaller because of fear and anxiety, and you believe all of the worst case scenarios your mind creates
I could go on.
The ways in which our minds can create negative stories and narratives is endless, and are uniquely individualized to us, very, very personally.
So, to change your life, you need to change how you respond to these thoughts. And here is how you do it:
First, you must understand that:
a) it is not a problem that these thoughts arise, and
b) you cannot stop yourself from thinking these thoughts.
The more you try to stop the thoughts from arising, the more energy you put toward them, and the more you think about them, creating a vicious cycle. Your mind has generated these thoughts, these stories, for years … perhaps decades … and it is not reasonable to expect them to simply stop because you want them to. No, the strategy instead is this: don’t judge the thoughts, instead expect the thoughts, and then choose, from an empowered place, how to respond differently (than you do now) when the thoughts arise.
Now, with through this lens, begin to become aware of what you’re thinking. What is your mind saying to you? Perhaps begin to write down the thoughts you experience when you’re feeling unhappy, anxious, or angry.
And, then examine them. Question the validity of those thoughts. Dare to wonder … what if this thought isn’t true? What if it’s just a thought?!?! Just because you’re thinking it, doesn’t make it true. (This point should sound familiar if you read last month’s entry).
And then … and here is the crucial point, perhaps the ONE THING you must do to change your life … you must put this process on perpetual repeat. You must choose to do this “one” thing again and again and again and again. You must repeatedly make the choice to respond to these thoughts differently than you have before, likely repeatedly throughout the course of a day.
Because, if you can change the thought, you can change the feeling, and you can then, ultimately change the behavior that follows … and, over time, it changes your life. You work hard to think differently, and in doing so, you feel differently. And from that place, you are able to make different choices, which changes the course of your life, as you show up for yourself over and over and over again.
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