Overcome Anxiety by Addressing Avoidance
Run from the things that scare you …
do aaaalll the things possible to keep yourself safe …
… and avoid discomfort, uncomfortable feelings, difficult conversations, and things that trigger anxiety, fear, and panic …
… right?
Nope.
Intuitively, it may make sense to run from scary things, to keep yourself as safe as possible, and to avoid discomfort. Evolutionarily, from a survival standpoint, it also makes sense; your brain works to protect you from potential threats.
This is why, very often, people struggle to overcome anxiety without assistance.
Paradoxically, the intuitive attempt to keep yourself safe and comfortable, the (at times desperate) effort to avoid anxiety, only serves to increase the anxiety.
Let me demonstrate.
What might avoidance look like in the case of:
Health Anxiety?
You have health anxiety. You’re convinced you have, let’s say, an autoimmune disease. You have since become a professional internet researcher, and you now know everything there is to know about autoimmune illnesses, short of going to medical school. You are certain you have this condition.
You visit your doctor. You describe your symptoms. Your doc takes blood, runs all the necessary tests, orders some imaging … and concludes that, no, you do not have an autoimmune disease.
Hallelujah! Sweet relief! Thank goodness that’s over …
But … it’s not. Some time later you question the doc’s diagnosis. You begin to ruminate on it. Perhaps you didn’t describe your symptoms accurately. Perhaps your blood was taken at the wrong time, or they didn’t read the imaging correctly. You return to internet searches. Maybe your doctor didn’t know about this latest piece of research. You seek reassurance from your spouse, or your mom, or your friends.
You schedule another appointment with the doctor. You voice your concerns. You feel heard. The doctor reiterates the reasoning, offers a perfectly reasonable explanation. And you are convinced. Whew.
Again … Hallelujah! Sweet relief! Thank goodness that’s over …
But again … it’s not … and the cycle continues.
Can you identify the tendencies toward avoidance? Look to see what actions are being taken to feel safe, to reduce anxiety, which only serve to keep the cycle of anxiety going …
Internet searches.
Seeking information.
Seeking reassurance (from others, from the doc).
Panic?
You have a panic attack in Target. Your heart is pounding. You can’t breathe. You’re going to lose it! You have to get out of here! Right! Now!
You flee. You get outside. You walk a few blocks, or you sit in your car.
And, you heartrate slows, the tension in your chest eases, you can breathe again.
Hallelujah! Sweet relief! Thank goodness that’s over …
But … it’s not. Now it feels like every time you go to Target you have a panic attack. And, maybe you also start having panic attacks at the grocery and in other stores. The fear of having a panic attack prevents you now from visiting Target and perhaps other stores as well.
Can you see the avoidance? To feel safe, to get the anxiety to stop, which actually only makes the anxiety worse … you are:
Leaving the store.
Avoiding the stores where panic attacks have occurred.
Eventually avoiding stores where you fear panic attacks will occur.
Social Anxiety?
You hate that feeling of small talk at the cash register … so you use self-checkout.
You feel awkward ordering directly from the barista … so you just order using the app and pick up your coffee; it’s more convenient anyway…
It would be must faster and easier to make a phone call to get an answer to this question. You can get an answer to your question in the next five minutes. The business is open right now. But, you can probably just find it on the website. Oh, okay, the answer’s not on the website … you’ll just send an e-mail …
Can you see the avoidance? What behaviors are connected to feeling safe, to avoiding the feeling of anxiety to stop, which actually only makes the anxiety worse …
Avoiding any and all social interaction:
with the cashier
with the barista
on the phone
Can you see the pattern? Although the immediate act of avoidance may result in a moment of relief, it only serves to exacerbate (make worse) and perpetuate (allow it to continue) your experience of anxiety.
Overcome Anxiety by Addressing Avoidance
Notice the urge.
When you have the urge to do something to make yourself feel safe, to avoid the feeling – or physical symptoms of – anxiety, notice that you are feeling that way.
You know how it feels.
You can recognize when you want to, for example, seek information, seek reassurance, leave the store, or send an e-mail instead of making a phone call.
Don’t do it!
Refrain from engaging in the behavior that allows you to avoid.
Simple, right? Simple idea … but difficult in execution. Two easy ways to do so:
Instead, turn toward the fear, the discomfort.
And, sit with it.
When you choose not to do a Google search, call the doctor, ask your loved one, “I don’t really have an autoimmune disease … right?” order from the counter, or make the phone call … You. Will. Feel. Anxious.
It’s okay. Acknowledge that it’s there. Feel it.
Don’t run from it.
And then …
… engage in strategies geared toward present moment awareness, and thought challenging and reframing.
Be sure to start small.
If you’re having panic attacks, don’t just march into Target and illicit a panic attack because you read something on the internet telling you to. Start with smaller things, build confidence, and work up to bigger challenges.
Be sure to start small.
Anxiety is nuanced, and sophisticated, and nuanced. If you’re having trouble figuring out how anxiety shows up in your live specifically, seek help. Find a qualified therapist.
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America has a directory of solid providers.
Psychology Today also has an online directory of mental health clinicians.
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This blog post is offered for educational purposes only and should not be confused as therapy or psychological care.