I'm pulling back from social media: Here's why.
Last August I gave myself a month-long break from blogging and social media posting. I posted that I’d be back after Labor Day … I went back to writing, but I haven’t posted since …
Here’s what I realized from that month-long time away from social media, and in the time since.
And, here’s why I’m not going back.
Social media detaches me from my actual life.
Scrolling on your phone is diametrically opposed to the cultivation of mindfulness and present moment awareness. It feeds mindlessness.
Now, you could approach social media in a mindful way. To do so, you must approach the task with intention. You could be clear on what you’re looking for, for example, going to a specific friend’s page to see what they’ve been up to, or reviewing several specific pages on a certain topic. You could intend to simply scroll your feed, and set a timer to ensure the 15 minutes you intend to spend doesn’t turn into 45.
In this way, social media may, in fact, be beneficial.
But that’s not the way we do it. (And it’s also not the way the apps were designed.)
Mindfulness means that we a) pay attention, b) on purpose, c) in the present moment, and d) without judgment.
Social media fails on all four counts.
Mindfulness is associated with improved emotional wellbeing; when we are here now, where we actually are, even if we’re engaged in something we don’t want to be doing - like being stuck in traffic - we are happier than if we are in our heads somewhere else.
Social media is a doorway to somewhere else. We are not present. We are not here now. We are not engaged in our actual lives.
And our thoughts, when scrolling and after (more on that in a moment), are often fraught with judgment, about ourselves and others.
And, it distorts what’s real.
It goes without saying that what is shared on social is curated by those who are sharing it.
Social media creates an inaccurate look at the world, and if that view is not challenged by other, additional information, it distorts our view of reality.
You see a smiling photo of a couple. You’re feeling lonely and wishing you were in a relationship, comparing your life to theirs … but unbeknownst to you, they are actually going through a heartbreaking divorce.
Social media also creates bubbles. It’s fantastic to find like-minded people who share your views and values … but the very nature of the tribes created by social media invite a) the problem of thinking “there are good people and evil people” (which is a cognitive distortion, by the way) … and b) does not provide us the opportunity to disprove that notion. We need to engage with people who think differently than we do, and if most of our information comes from social media, and from others who think as we do, we run the (quite damaging) risk of creating false beliefs about ourselves, others, and the world.
There is an insidious, lingering effect to what you view on social, that lasts far beyond the time you spend on the platform.
Oliver Burkeman in ‘Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals’ speaks eloquently to this point.
You spend the time you spend scrolling.
And, perhaps something you see is annoying, or even infuriating, to you. Or, perhaps you see something that makes you feel badly about yourself.
In the worst case, you comment and get embroiled in an argument with a troll …
But, regardless of whether you comment or argue, it sticks with you. You continue to think about it. Perhaps you rehearse what you could - or should - have said in response.
Granted, such reactions and behaviors can occur in response to any exchange with anyone - in reality or on social - at any time.
But, there is a skewed effect when such instances occur on social media, largely because of points 1 and 2 above. On social, such exchanges occur in a vacuum, and, more importantly, people are emboldened to share, post, and comment in such a way that they may not in person. The nature of way the information is shared is important. How we perceive and interpret it is potentially changed. And therefore the potential impact is heightened.
Look at what it’s doing to our kids!
Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukianoff, in ‘The Coddling of the American Mind,’ offer a wealth of information on the impact of social media - and other significant factors - on the “internet generation” or “iGen.” And Jean Twenge’s research, captured in her book ‘ iGen: Why Today's Super Connected Kids are Growing Up Less Rebellious, More Tolerant, Less Happy -- and Completely Unprepared’ is eye opening on this topic.
In a nutshell, the first generation to spend their entire adolescence in the age of the smartphone, experience more mental health difficulties, like depression, suicidal ideation and attempts, and anxiety. Girls in this generation, in particular, have evidenced significantly higher rates of such conditions. iGen spends less time with friends in person and more time on screens. And it’s not just screen time alone, but rather social media use in teens, that is a significant contributor to mental health struggles and other difficulties.
And, it’s telling that the very creators of these apps restrict their kids’ access to social media …
And … despite all the claims, it doesn’t actually help me build my business, at least not in the way I want to build it.
Social media, naturally, doesn’t allow me to share the information I want to share in the way I want to share it. There are some amazing mental health professionals, creating fantastic Reels and brilliantly sharing extremely important information on these platforms. However, it’s extremely difficult to stand out and to be found. And, it’s difficult to distinguish yourself as someone who actually knows what they’re talking about from the (significant number of) others who don’t and are (likely unknowingly) sharing false information that may cause harm.
My social media followers rarely turn into clients. And, honestly, I have no trouble having clients find me; and they find me in other, much more helpful and authentic ways.
And, most importantly, and not surprisingly … I’m happier without it.
I still have accounts, both business and personal. My graphic design and website team convinced me to keep the business accounts because people may still find their way to me from there: valid point. And I engage with my personal accounts in a limited way, and in the mindful way I described in point #1 above.
But, withdrawing from social media - and I’m speaking, from my perspective, especially for business - created more space … which I have filled with hiking with Banjo, cooking, baking, reading, writing, crocheting and cross-stitching, and genuinely connecting with others. And, all of those things check all the mindfulness boxes, and not surprisingly, are linked with improved emotional wellbeing.
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