Your inner critic – Body Edition, Part 2: Responding to Your Inner Critic
Recognize that you have a choice with regard to whether these thoughts define you … or not.
Know that this inner critic, this negative voice, has become an accepted part of your identity, and it will take considerable time, effort, energy, and most especially compassion, to root it out.
But, it can be done.
(If you’re just tuning in, pause please. Read and complete the exercise from Part 1, then come back here to continue!)
Have you succeeded in embodying your inner critic? In bringing it to life? Can you now see the image of your critic clearly? Can you give a detailed visual to the negative, critical voice you hear?
The process of embodying your inner critic may begin to shift how you feel toward that critical voice. Perhaps you can already imagine ways to more effectively respond to it now that you’ve considered what It represents, how it was created, and what it may be trying to accomplish.
Until now, you’ve given considerable weight to the opinions of your inner critic. You’ve likely often believed the nasty, cutting, judgmental, perhaps cruel comments offered up as fact.
And, in the moments when you try to resist, to argue back, to shut that voice down … you don’t entirely believe what you say to dispute the criticism.
Responding to Your Inner Critic
Crafting effective responses to your inner critic involves developing a number of skills that work together.
First, going back to the foundation you’ve laid by embodying your inner critic: what answers did you discover with regard to what that critical voice may be trying to accomplish?
If you know the motives of the inner critic, you’ll be better equipped to craft effective responses.
Perhaps your inner critic is a younger (even a childhood) version of yourself trying to protect you. Or, a parent or coach – who means well, but goes about it all wrong – trying to motivate you. In such cases, your inner critic may have good intentions.
This voice may also represent a petty, snide high school bully, who clearly does not have your best interests in mind. The motives of this critic are not to protect or motivate you … but instead, often, to compensate for their own insecurities.
You see? The unique makeup and motives of your specific inner critic dictate how you will go about creating relevant responses.
Now, on to practicalities … you need to identify the negative statements that your inner critic offers up as facts.
Yes, these comments are your own thoughts. We’re conceptualizing them as statements offered up by your inner critic.
In the moments when that critical voice is raging, try to capture verbatim the ‘word vomit’ it is spewing.
Two easy ways to do so:
Write in the mode of ‘stream of consciousness’. That is, just write down everything you’re thinking – what that negative voice is saying to you – without editing it, without questioning it.
Talk to text. Send yourself a text message, or take a note in a notetaking app, speaking the narrative of your inner critic.
It’s most effective to capture this information while you’re in the moment you’re experiencing the thoughts. But, that’s not always possible. In such cases, simply do your best to recreate them at a later time.
Next, create some distance from the thoughts.
Label them. Objectify them. See them for what they are.
Embrace the notion that these ideas are only thoughts … and may not be (are actually not at all likely to be) true.
Recognize that you have a choice with regard to whether these thoughts define you … or not.
For example:This is a nasty thought coming from my inner critic. I can choose to see it as just a thought. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Just because I’m thinking it doesn’t make it true.”
Work to notice the negative thoughts arising in the moment.
Identify, acknowledge, and label them at the time you are experiencing them.
Then, counter with a powerful response you actually believe.
Revisit the motives of your inner critic: what are they trying to accomplish?
And, consider the reality of their message: is there any truth to it? what evidence is there to support this argument?
In quiet moments when these negative thoughts are not so intense, craft responses to your inner critic’s assertions that you actually believe to be true. And, ask yourself how much you believe them to be true. Apply a percentage. Work to identify positive statements that achieve a high percentage of belief.
Be sure to root these powerful responses in a sense of identity: the identity you choose for yourself, the true self you know yourself to be, the life you are choosing.
Then, arm yourself with them to use in moments when you need to counteract that negative voice.
Let’s put it all together. What does this look like in practice? An example:
A young woman is getting dressed for a party. She tries on outfit after outfit. She has nothing to wear. Everything makes her look fat. She’s disgusting. She doesn’t even want to go to this stupid party anyway. No one even will notice if she doesn’t show up.
Embodied inner critic: One of the ‘beautiful people’ from high school who bullied her incessantly about her weight
Motive of inner critic: To make her feel small
Identify, acknowledge, and label the negative thoughts: “I’m fat.” “I’m disgusting.” “No one cares about me anyway.”
She takes a deep breath, creating a pause, an opportunity to respond. She recognizes the negative thoughts are impacting her mood, her energy, her desire to avoid the party she’s been looking forward to attending.
Crafted response, addressing the motive of her inner critic, and rooted in her identity: “This is not high school. This is my life. I choose to live. This is my body. I choose to be happy right now in this body.”
Straight talk: This is not easy work. Simply identifying the negative thoughts may be hard. And, being able to respond in the moment can be extraordinarily difficult. Your crafted responses may initially bounce off without effect. You must practice challenging your inner critic repeatedly and over time in order to make headway. Your initially crafted responses may not work; you may need to tweak them to find the language that works best for you. Know that this inner critic, this negative voice, has become an accepted part of your identity … and it will take considerable time, effort, energy, and most especially compassion, to root it out.
But, it can be done.
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This blog post is offered for educational purposes only and should not be confused as therapy or psychological care.