This is as good as it gets: Accepting - and thriving - in your actual life
Do you find that you live your life waiting? Or, more accurately, do you often feel like you “can’t wait”?
You can’t wait to graduate from high school.
Then, you can’t wait to graduate from college.
You can hardly wait to no longer be the newbie on the job, and can’t wait to be promoted and make more money.
You can’t wait to find your partner, and then you can’t wait to get married.
You can hardly wait to buy a house.
And, then, maybe you can’t wait to have a baby.
You can’t wait for vacation, or summer, or the holidays…
There are consequences to living and thinking in this forward-oriented way.
Doing so robs you of your very life.
I realize this sounds dramatic.
It’s not.
You prevent yourself from being fully present and engaged in the moments of your actual life, which is occurring right now, by always looking forward to the next thing.
By thinking, and planning, and living this way you operate within the idea that the present isn’t good enough, and that better is coming.
So, what do you do when “better” arrives?
You simply continue this same pattern. Nothing changes. You don’t suddenly stop looking forward or anticipating. You just continue looking forward to the next thing…
You graduate from college and get your first real job … but then you look forward to the promotion or a graduate degree.
You find an awesome partner … but then you “can’t wait” to get married.
You’re in the middle of an awesome vacation, and, because you know you won’t be able to do and see everything on your list, you can hardly wait to come back to the place you’re currently visiting.
This pattern of anticipation, of always looking forward, prohibits you from ever being satisfied with where you are. Because, when you reach the next thing, there will always be another next thing.
Or, maybe you do achieve all the things! Then, though, you find yourself in a place where there are no next things. And here too, satisfaction is elusive. You wonder, “Is this it? … Now what?”
I’d like to invite you to consider an alternative way of approaching your life:
Accept that this is as good as it gets.
Accept this moment as it is.
Because, whether you like it or not, it simply is. You cannot change it. And, by trying to do so – that is, by trying to make it better, by looking forward to when you’re certain it will be better – you negate it, you eliminate it. To go back to my dramatic proclamation at the start of this discussion, you rob yourself of your very life as you’re living it.
Realize that if it’s not good enough now, it will never be.
If you cannot be satisfied with this moment as it is, you will not be able to appreciate – or be satisfied by – any other future moments as they are.
Recognize the distinction between building a life consistent with your values, and striving simply for the act of striving.
Accepting the present moment as it is, and working to achieve your goals and create life consistent with your values, are not mutually exclusive. You absolutely can do both.
You can work to be satisfied with the present moment, realistically, as it is, and have future aspirations, set goals, and strive to achieve them.
The patterns that steal joy, and prohibit this happier co-existence, are:
looking forward to the extent that you struggle to be present and content in here and now;
feeling ‘not good enough’ as you are, and only believing you’ll be ‘good enough’ when you achieve some future accomplishment; and
struggling to tolerate uncertainty, and therefore engaging in future planning in an attempt to find answers to questions that simply cannot be answered today.
Allow this approach to be freeing rather than terrifying.
Simply considering the idea of accepting things as they are in order to let go of striving, and disengage from attempting to find answers to future questions, is quite uncomfortable, even terrifying, to many.
But, the flip side, embracing the (very real) lack of control – letting go of the illusion that we’ll, someday, be satisfied – provides freedom and contentment.
Increase your awareness. And, practice mindfulness.
Start being curious about how often you’re looking forward, how often you’re denying yourself to see and appreciate how okay is really is right here and right now.
When you find yourself in a looking forward moment, and a striving simply for striving’s sake moment, acknowledge that it’s happening. Without judgment, see what you’re doing and how it’s affecting you.
And, then see if you can release that thought or intention, and redirect yourself back to now.
If you’re looking for more guidance on mindfulness and tools to begin practicing, check out this prior blog post!
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