Freedom lies in embracing the finite nature of your life
“It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up – that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had.”
-- Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
The bucket list …
I would like to learn to play the drums.
I would like to learn to play the piano.
I would like to learn to speak Italian. And also Spanish.
I would like to learn the art of baking sourdough bread and chocolate-almond croissants.
I would like to learn to quilt.
And, when I say learn … I really mean ‘master.’ I don’t just want to learn to do these things; I’d like to do them well.
I would also like to read aaaaallll the books.
I would like to visit all 50 states, all 63 national parks, all 7 continents, and as many countries – well, really most of the countries – as many times as possible.
I would like to spend as much time as possible with those I love.
I would like to help as many people as I can.
And, I would love to spend every waking minute with my dog.
I could go on.
And, I trust, so could you, with your own list.
You’re starting to see the problem …
It’s not possible for me (or you) to accomplish – and much more importantly, experience – everything on my list in this one and only life.
We all (intellectually) know our time on earth is limited.
Every single week I talk with clients about the power of cultivating present moment awareness, practicing mindfulness, about ‘being here now,’ about living fully. We explore the idea that the present moment is the only moment we really have, that it’s the only moment that we’re actually alive, and that we spend so many of those moments in our minds … somewhere else (which fosters anxiety and depression).
Can you remember the first time you heard – or thought of – this idea? When you realized what it means that your life is finite?
And, when you did, do you remember what it felt like? To not just intellectually understand what it would mean to have limited time … but to try it on, and allow that realization to emotionally hit home?
I do.
And, I was utterly terrified.
I mean shook.
Even now, when I allow myself to feel the reality that my time is finite, that my life will end, and that the world will go on without me, the power of this truth resonates to my bones.
Many people take faith in religious practices to address these feelings.
Others may take a nihilistic view, that it doesn’t matter because life is meaningless.
I’d like to encourage you to consider that, while it may be terrifying, it can also be empowering and incredibly freeing to embrace the idea that your time on this earth is limited, that you only have a finite amount of time, and that, as the contemporary philosopher Thomas Nagel states, in the grand scheme of universal time, “we will all be dead any minute.”
How can the finite nature of your life lead to freedom?
When you embrace the idea that your time is limited, you will then also accept that you literally do not have time for aaallll the things … which allows you to assess what is truly most important and focus your energy there.
Steve Jobs said, “We all have a short period of time on this earth. We probably only have the opportunity to do a few things really great and do them well.”
Choose not only what’s most important, but also give yourself the freedom to choose what to neglect, abandon, and disregard.
You get to prioritize your own wants, needs, and preferences over those that others attempt to place on you.
How often do you accommodate others’ requests – or demands – when it goes against your own needs or preferences?
Please understand: This is not to say, ‘Be selfish and only do what you want from here on out.’ There are absolutely times when you need to concede to the requests of others, and also times when you genuinely want to put the needs of others ahead of your own.
But, if you really embrace – and live – the idea that you truly have limited time, you will find that it becomes intolerable to spend the finite time you have unnecessarily accommodating others to your own detriment.
You can now be free of FOMO (‘fear of missing out’) … because you recognize you’ll always be missing out on something.
Because your time is finite, it’s literally impossible do, see, and experience aaallll the things. And when you embrace that fact, and focus your time and energy on what you’ve identified as most important, missing out becomes an indicator that you are prioritizing what you truly find meaningful.
You can stop beating yourself up for failing.
Because your time and energy are finite, you can’t do aaallll the things. So, you will fail … and you should.
Earlier I suggested that you choose what to neglect, abandon, and disregard. When you do so, and embrace it, you will stop expecting yourself to do those things well. You’ll give yourself permission not to do those things well, and so you’ll fail.
You’ll still have things you expect to do well, but because perfection is impossible, you’ll fail in those areas sometimes too. And, because you’ve now embraced the idea that your time is finite, you can accept that your best is good enough.
Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, the renowned Swiss-American psychiatrist and pioneer in studies of near-death and grief, referred to herself as the “life and living lady.” Let’s revisit her quote from the start of this post.
She stated: “It’s only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth – and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up – that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it were the only one we had.”
It’s not enough to intellectually understand that our lives are finite; we must allow that truth to emotionally resonate … and when it does, we must then allow it to affect a change in how we view our day-to-day lives, and in how we actually live those lives.
Please note: This blog post is inspired by my recent reading of Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman, which I’ll be talking about more next week.